I know they’re not a tie, but there was this one time that I put on one of my nice pairs of black Levi’s Dockers and headed off to work. They felt a little snug but I figured it was no big deal. By the time I got to work it felt like they were working towards severing my upper extremities from my lower. The problem was that I had a meeting that day and was having a hard time focusing on anything other than this crazy python working it’s special brand of terror on my midriff. So as soon as the mall opened, I hopped in my truck, went down and got a new pair of Dockers and changed in my truck in the mall parking lock. I have been noticing that all of my clothes seem to be shrinking around the center, I wonder if my wife has changed laundry detergents. Who knows.

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