Dufus' World

Dufus’ World Taking a Time Out…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 05:03:37 +0000

Hello all, I really appreciate having you as a reader of Dufus’ World and really appreciate working on it for you and providing you with enjoyable entertainment. Unfortunately, my schedule has become really busy and I will not be able to provide you with your weekly dose of Dufus’ World for a while. I am not absolutely sure when I will be able to come back to it, but I will be back at some point. If you would like to know when Dufus’ World is active again please feel free to sign up for the newsletter, or subscribe to the RSS feed. I am sorry for the time out, and I look forward to coming back. Thank you for your patience.

Nothing Sells Like Mass Hysteria…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 05:02:43 +0000

There are so many things in the news today that don’t really have much bearing in reality, but if you dig deep or look somewhere near the story odds are you will find the price tag. Every good sales person knows that the best way to sell anything is to create the need. How do you sell an anti-tiberosia degasser? You let the consumer know about the recent outbreak of tiberosia in their neighborhood. What’s tiberosia you ask? I have no idea, but neither does the consumer. But it sure sounds bad. Actually, I’m starting to want one of those anti-tiberosia degasser for myself. I’m heading out to see if I can find one. If I find out where to get one I’ll let you know, I’m sure you’re a little concerned now yourself. Gotta go, no time to waste.

Sound The Recede…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 05:02:26 +0000

Male pattern baldness seems to be a very hot topic, just watch tv for a few hours and you are bound to see an ad for some kind of hair product. But what about the unsung suffering masses? Those suffering from an advancing hairline. Can you imagine spending your days looking like the Wolfman? Having to shave your eyes just to be able to see? Getting hair in your food every time you eat? Well for less than the price of a cup of coffee a day you too can help these poor unfortunate follicly over challenged masses. There are no known cures for this condition yet, but nothing helps alleviate the struggle like a pile of money. People can laugh at them all they want, because they will be laughing all the way to the bank. Thank you for your fine support.

Hold Me, I am Weak and Fragile…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 05:02:09 +0000

Hooray, it finally happened. I knew it had to happen some day. I am a lover of art, I really like seeing talented artists spending time on an incredible labor of love, and creating for us some exquisite piece of art. And I’m not picky, I like sculptures, paintings, drawings, comics, graphics, oragamy, photography, writing, whatever, I like it all. But, being an artist myself, I am getting sick and tired of all of these no talent hacks, who know somebody that owns some hifalutin’ fancy art gallery, grabbing a handful of paint, throwing it at a canvas, calling it “Macabre in the springtime” and selling it for mega millions. Anymore these days when you walk into an art gallery you can’t tell if something is supposed to be art, or if it is indeed actually trash. You could sweep up a pile of dirt in the corner of the room, label it “Crime in the City,” put your name next to it, and be hailed by the critics as the next Picasso. Believe me, you are no Picasso, to Picasso that would be a pile of dirt that needs to be taken to the garbage.

So anyway, where am I going with all of this? Recently in Oregon, an “artist” put up his work in the Southern Oregon University art courtyard. The piece? Seven miles of red tape strewn throughout the gallery, without any kind of label to accompany it. What did he call it? “The Depravity of Society Juxtaposed Against the Apathy of Contemporary Culture.” So here we go, simple red tape thrown about for 5 minutes, long windbaggy name, sit back and wait for the accolades. Unfortunately for this scam artist, he got the credit he truly deserved and found out exactly what his garbage was worth. Garbage. That’s right, a Sophomore after seeing the “mess” and not realizing it was an art project (because, let’s face it, it wasn’t), decided to clean it up, or in her own words “I was just picking up what people had made messy.”

The funniest part of it all? The artist had this to say, “The piece will be re-assembled, Third time’s the charm I guess.” In other words, this has happened before. Get the clue, it’s not art, it’s trash. Everybody else seems to get that. You shouldn’t have to explain, via a news outlet, that your art is art to keep it from getting pitched with yesterdays fodder. True art keeps itself from getting dumped. Just food for thought.

Cold Hard Cash Is Good Too…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 05:01:34 +0000

It seems to me like every time you turn around there is another Pseudo holiday popping up. Some say it is a scheme by Hallmark, and that could very well be so. But I think that it is a scheme the general public at large in an effort to get stuff. Who needs to wait for birthdays or Christmas any more, just make up a holiday and BAM! You got yourself a tailor made get stuff day. So the next time somebody notifies you that it is “best friend of your cousin on your mothers side twice removed day.” Just remind them what a wonderful holiday that is, and you would love to celebrate it but unfortunately anybody born on the second day of the new moon in a hospital with Q in the name is prohibited from celebrating that particular holiday. But let them know to keep up hope, your cousin on your mothers side twice removed has other cousins.

It’s The Sudden Stop…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 05:05:59 +0000

Of all the times I have found myself in high places (which has been a lot considering I used to be a professional tree climber/trimmer) I have had many times to think about the fear of heights, and falling. I’m not sure what it is about heights that get people so worked up. And when it comes to falling I think that would actually and interesting feeling, about as close to flying like a bird as we can get. I think that is why skydiving is so popular. It’s basically controlled falling. After much thought I think I figured it out, the fear isn’t of the height, or even of the falling. It’s the sudden stop at the end that is the profound fear. That’s just my two cents though.

Opinions $5…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 05:05:24 +0000

I don’t know if I would say that fortune cookies are really deep with wisdom and rife with truth, but what experience at the Chinese buffet is complete without them? My friends and I like to eat at Chinese buffets all of the time and we think it’s fun to add “in bed” after reading our fortunes. I realize that it’s a little childish, but it sure is fun. You should try it sometime. Just make sure that your spouse isn’t around when the fortune in the cookie says “you will meet new people” it won’t look too good for you.

With This One Finger…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:05:27 +0000

My wife is a huge Sean Connery fan. I know, all of you men are saying “mine too” and all of you women are saying “of course, who isn’t?” But Sean is also the mans man. I mean, of course he is. He gets all the chicks, wins all the fights, and has that really cool cocked eyebrow thing going for him. Who isn’t intimidated by the cocked eyebrow thing? Anyway, I got to thinking the other day about the movie The Presidio, and there is that one part in it when this big ox is giving him a hard time in the bar. He looks up at the guy, cocks that eyebrow (see? already starting the intimidation), holds up his right thumb, and in that Scottish drawl of his says, “Alright, you want to fight? I’ll fight you with jusht thish one thumb. Actually, I better ushe the left, the right ish far too powerful.” And then he begins thrashing this big guy with just his left thumb. How cool is that? Although, I would have been more impressed if it had been his pinky. But, I guess we all have our limitations.

You Dropped Your Brain…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 05:05:11 +0000

I used to love to mess with people all of the time, it was sort of like a hobby of mine. One of my favorite things to do was walk down the street and just let people know as I was passing by “excuse me, you dropped your pocket.” You would be amazed at how many people look. I’ve always wanted to try the “You dropped your brain” but I didn’t think anybody would buy that one, I figured it was best saved for a special occasion, like some moron trying desperately to be something their not. Just be yourself I always say. But, I guess everybody has to have a hobby.

Serves You Right…

Joshua Swanagon — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 05:05:42 +0000

I have to admit, in all my years as a martial artist I never had the urge to hit a board or a brick or any other helpless inanimate object like that (although I will admit that I have beat the mess out of a punching bag or two). I guess I just never felt provoked by any boards or bricks. It’s probably just my sunny disposition, they like me too much. I have heard stories however of rouge boards and bricks talking some serious smack, and in those cases they probably deserve to get the business end of a good judo chop. In all seriousness though, I do have a lot of respect for people who can break piles of boards and bricks with their bare hands, I just wonder about their short fuse. I mean if a board or brick can set them off, how about a person? I would hate to take one of those hits on the head. But on a bright note, I would think that as long as it takes them to focus and center themselves to get one of those brick breaking hits, a person could hit them repeatedly and still have enough time to run away. I could be wrong though.